Book Review on “Your Brain’s Not Broken”
Your Brain’s Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD by Dr. Tamara Rosier, PhD was recommended to me by ADHD Coach Keltie McLaren when we were picking a book to read for the Bellamy & Associates series “Book Talk.”
I am so glad that Keltie recommended this book. I appreciate the way the author, Dr. Tamara Rosier, described the symptoms of ADHD. She took the time to go beyond the general terminology described in diagnostic criteria in order to more fully explain what these symptoms feel like for those with ADHD. I also appreciate any time a book offers direct action items to create change.
In my book review today, I wanted to highlight five symptoms of ADHD that Dr. Rosier explains and gives tips to manage:
Emotional Intensity
Divergent Thinking
Anxiety
Low Motivation
Difficulty with Task Initiation
However, I would definitely recommend reading the book yourself if you have ADHD, or if you love someone with ADHD and are interested in learning more.
There is so much more that’s included in the book, especially entire chapters on various charts and visuals to conceptualize other topics that I am not including here, chapters on the importance of boundaries, sleepand ADHD, and more.
Dr. Rosier starts off the book by writing that “the symptoms of ADHD are often misconstrued and judged as character traits instead of seen as a result of neurological differences.”
It’s true that neurotypical people and those with ADHD alike tend to get annoyed or frustrated with the symptoms of ADHD.
The more that ADHD is understood as a collection of symptoms that are caused by a neurodevelopmental disorder, the more I hope that people can learn to work with the brains they have, rather than resenting these differences.
I think Dr. Rosier put it best when she wrote, “I need to be honest about how ADHD affects me, how I think, how I tend to act, and then use that understanding to help me navigate the world in which I live.”
Emotional Intensity
Dr. Rosier says that the “emotional aspect” of ADHD can be summed up by intense feelings, low frustration tolerance, agitation, and quick temper flares.
She writes that, “ADHD often feels like a light switch when it comes to emotions, motivation, and actions. When presented with a task, ADHD will respond with one of two settings: On (intense emotion, passionate, fixated, highly motivated) or Off (little to no emotion, disinterest, little motivation).”
Additionally, those with ADHD tend to rely on emotions to remember things, make decisions, and motivate themselves (even if they don’t realize they are doing this).
For example, someone with ADHD might experience intense shame if they make a mistake at work - which is their attempt to try to force themselves to remember not to make this mistake in the future.
The intense emotion is what will help the memory to be preserved, as ADHD often causes inadequate working memory.
The book goes on to explain how ADHD causes inconsistent access to the prefrontal cortex to make logic-based decisions, and as a result, often re-routes decision making to the emotional centers of the brain.
Tips Recommended:
Take a few deep breaths and pause
Tell your brain that you're okay and then try to retrace or recreate what you were doing (in response to poor memory or being distracted)
Use the DBT skill Wise Mind
Medication can help your brain to have more time to feel an emotion coming on and then decide whether or not to express it
Learn to predict what triggers emotional responses
Observe the intensity and “bigness” of the emotion
Assign a number on a scale from 1-10 to describe the intensity of the emotion
Focus on relaxing your body, not changing the emotion
Divergent Thinking Patterns
Most people with ADHD engage in divergent thinking patterns, meaning they tend to develop thoughts in different directions at the same time. Some people refer to this as non-linear thinking or creative thinking.
ADHD as a neurotype causes the brain to generate ideas very quickly, which then combines with a tendency for divergent thinking, causing the brain to be able to go down many different paths simultaneously.
Those with divergent thinking patterns are naturally intrigued by how ideas are connected. Divergent thinking does not allow for memorization through repetition and instead needs to invent, explore, and play with new topics to understand them.
The opposite of divergent thinking is convergent thinking, which most neurotypical people use. Convergent thinking is when one thought builds to another in a linear fashion, getting more focused as each thought progresses.
Competing thoughts are able to be dismissed, or they are distracting to the point of a loss of focus and ability to progress forward.
Convergent thinking is better for task initiation and divergent thinking is great for coming up with new ideas and is especially helpful for navigating complex problems.
I knew before this book that people with ADHD notoriously engage in divergent thinking, but what I didn’t know is that everybody, those without ADHD and those with ADHD, is capable of both convergent and divergent thinking.
The trick is to be able to practice switching between the two. ADHDers tend to stick exclusively with divergent thinking because they find it to be the more interesting and fun way to think.
But, Dr. Rosier argues that balancing divergent thinking with convergent thinking is especially important for people with ADHD to decrease their anxiety and increase their task initiation (more below).
When ADHDers stick with divergent thinking, they tend to over-complicate a task, obsess over their anxieties, and lose focus.
Tips Recommended:
Practice increasing your awareness of which thinking style (divergent or convergent) you are using
Practice challenging yourself to switch the thinking style you are using
Set aside time each day to engage in convergent thinking
Identify tasks or times when it would be helpful to switch from divergent thinking to convergent thinking
When trying to use convergent thinking, focus on keeping things simple and straightforward
Save divergent thinking tasks for the end of the day. Ask your brain to do the hard work of convergent thinking first
Anxiety
Some people fit the stereotypical ADHD personality, which means they are living out their hyperactivity externally. However, the vast majority of adults with ADHD are not overtly hyperactive, though they are hyperactive internally.
This often feels like inner restlessness or agitation, worrying about the future, racing thoughts, and a craving for excitement.
Additionally, people with ADHD struggle to release the thoughts, worries, and concerns for the day and instead obsess over them each night.
Due to divergent thinking, the brain can get stuck trying to invent and explore answers and problems.
When there are no answers or understanding to be had, the brain fixates on this rather than accepting this and moving on.
Tips Recommended:
Focus on relaxing your body, not your thoughts. Your brain will follow your body’s lead.
Relax your body through essential oils, slow movements, slow breathing, talking to someone that you trust, or listening to calming music
Once the body is relaxed and the brain is starting to regulate, utilize self-talk such as: “There is no danger, there is no threat” or “is this a big-deal bucket item or does it go in the small deal bucket?”
Motivation
The ADHD brain is wired towards having low motivation for every day tasks. In fact, some researchers say that ADHD is less about attention and concentration, and more defined by its effects on loss of interest and motivation. Motivation is impacted by two aspects of ADHD: an interest-based nervous system and emotional hyperarousal.
Oftentimes, people with ADHD struggle with avoidance by doing other tasks other than the task at hand. Avoidance therefore allows for the feeling of productivity by accomplishing something, even though it is not what needs to be done.
An example of this would be doing the dishes instead of sending an important email. In divergent thinking, everything is the same level of importance so ADHDers rely on anxiety to tell them what needs to be done.
Others will rely on anger to create motivation - they only learned to do things when people were yelling at them, so now they yell at themselves in order to create motivation.
Using “emotional motivation” in this way leaves you physically and emotionally exhausted.
Tips Recommended:
Think about what you can do that will change the way your future self will feel about waking up tomorrow
This allows for divergent thinking instead of trying to force convergent thinking here
People with ADHD have feelings about every task they do, which is exhausting. They need to learn to balance their energy intake with energy expenditures
Set a timer to work on a boring or low stimulation task so that you know it will not last forever
Know that working on a low-stimulation task that is boring is less depleting than waiting until emotional intensity (such as anger or anxiety) creates high-stimulation
The fastest way to restore an emotional battery is to do fun, interesting tasks
This needs to be incorporated into everyday life, while knowing that not everything that you need to do can be fun and interesting
Task Initiation
People with ADHD infamously struggle with task initiation, which is due to the executive dysfunction caused by the inability to consistently access the prefrontal cortex in the brain. Task initiation is also impacted by the effects of emotional intensity, divergent thinking, anxiety, and motivation.
Often the most frustrating aspect of ADHD is how it distorts the perception of time. Meaning, many people with ADHD are unable to accurately assess the amount of time an activity takes, which then causes either delays or total paralysis in the face of deciding which task to start.
Additionally, because an ADHDer often finds small chores and tasks boring and low-stimulation, they overestimate how much time a task will take. For example, Dr. Rosier gave the example of hating unloading the dishwasher. She estimated that the task would take her about 20 minutes. She set a timer and found that she was done in under 3 minutes.
Tips Recommended:
Make a set of directions for a task to make sense of the chaos
Simple, small steps
Commit to working through the steps for 15 minutes
If at the end of 15 minutes you’ve hit a flow, keep going
If no flow, take a 10 minute break
At the end of the 10 minute break, take a deep breath and determine if you are feeling stuck because you hate the task, because you don’t know how to do the task, or because you don’t have everything you need to complete the task?
If emotional, take another 20 minute break and then after that 20 minute break, go back to step 1 and work on it for 15 minutes again
If you don’t have everything you need to complete the task, go back to the directions you created and update it to include collecting everything you need to complete the task
If you don’t know how to complete the task, update your direction to include learning how to do the task
Notice and challenge false beliefs that keep you in avoidance and procrastination
Take 15 minutes in the morning to breathe, meditate, pray, and make a daily list of the activities you will engage in that are balanced between boring but necessary, relaxing and easy, and fun and stimulating
Set a mid-day alarm and do nearly the same thing: breathe, meditate, pray and have a system check. How is your balance going? Are you engaging in avoidance? Are you relying on emotional intensity to fuel your actions? Are you rushing and tense? Do you need to drink water?
Evening reflection. Spend 10 minutes reviewing your day. Bask in gratitude and appreciation for all you were able to accomplish that day. Do not engage in shaming. Then, lastly, think about and note what you would like to accomplish tomorrow.
Do the hard stuff in the late morning (peak dopamine) and the easier stuff in the afternoon/early evening (peak serotonin)
This post is just a brief overview of the book, Your Brain’s Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD by Dr. Tamara Rosier, PhD.
ADHD is complex and can be overwhelming to try and manage on your own, but strategies and support can help.
All of the therapists and coaches at Bellamy & Associates are skilled and experienced with helping those with ADHD learn to work with the brain they have, rather than fighting against it in a neurotypical world.
Myself and Ashantis Jones in particular specialize in ADHD and supporting neurodivergent individuals (Casey) and couples (Ashantis).
If you want to learn more about how to navigate ADHD, reading this book is a great place to start, as well as considering a consult call to find out how our practice could best support you.
